As Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest began to fill with posts about New Year resolutions and goals starting in November, my brain felt numb. I wanted to have new goals, new ideas, but I just couldn't get started. I wasn't even sure that I even know how to dream or make goals anymore....my head was swirling with all kinds of thoughts and ideas, yet I felt this profound sense of being lost and feeling small in a really big world.
My 6-month contract position ended the last day of November, and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had moved out of my studio apartment, had everything packed into storage and moved into the spare room of a friend's home. I went to North Carolina to visit my daughter, son-in-law and the ever precious 2.3-year-old Granddaughter to get lots of Oma cuddles. I went to visit my sister-in-life in Oregon. I spent time with family and friends. I was offered another contract position at the UW that started the end of December. I had my 6 months checkup at Seattle Cancer Care, and everything is looking great. I spent NYE with friends. These were all good and wonderful things, yet something just felt "blah."
I decided to keep my New Year's Day tradition of standing on the shore of Puget Sound with my boots in the surf. Early in the morning, I stood where the ocean meets the land, where the very chemical makeup of the world matches what swirls around in my own cells. There was snow on the sand and the wind carried the saltwater to my face. I could look out to the far horizon, sky meeting sea, grey and blue. I breathed in the cold, salty air and inhaled the scents of both winter grass and seaweed that lined the beach.
I called out to God and all of creation "I'm here! I'm alive!" I could see the edge of the horizon and wanted to reach out to it. I felt my soul expand again. I spread my arms wide to gather the very essence of life.
What are my goals, my dreams for 2022? Expansion! I want my horizons to be broader. I want my tribe to be bigger and I want my table to feed all of them. Not just sustenance to feed the body, but to feed the soul as well. I want my vision to be taller and wider. I want more love in my life. I want to be more creative and daring. I will absorb more of this big, beautiful world and all that it has to offer. I want the people in my life to feel the love I have for them more than ever.
Here's to a bigger and better 2022!
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