I have not lost my faith in God. I have not lost my faith in the Grace and Redemption offered to me and all people thru Jesus Christ. I have not lost my faith that most people are good, loving, struggling humans trying to do their best. I have not lost my faith that the God who created the Universe also thought that the world needed colorful, creative, compassionate, multi-dimensional people of ALL kinds. I have not lost my faith that love wins every damn time.
Most of my life, I was under the belief that if I just do enough for this person, if I just take care of them, put their desires ahead of my own, if I just looked how they wanted me to look, forgive them for whatever they did to me, then they will see that I am worthy of their love. Now I understand their rejection was not about me, but about their own pain. Hurt people hurt people.
There was a time when I sought the refuge of church because of my own fears of abandonment and being unloved. Even as a little kid, I thought the church was a place that saw all of me, loved and accepted me as I am, a child of God. Instead, I fell into the same relationship with the church...if I only do enough, if I make myself fit into this tight little box of what the leadership of the church thought a "Good Christian Woman" should be then I would be accepted there, too. I really tried to fit in, but I couldn't squeeze into that box and it hurt to feel rejected by the one place I thought should be safe. It wasn't ever safe.
And I am not the only one....
Church leader scandals are nothing new....Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggert, Jim Baker, the list goes on. The fact that NOTHING has changed is appalling. Abuse, mental, physical and sexual, the unwillingness to be financially transparent, building bigger churches while members of your community struggle, excluding people who are "other," working volunteers and interns to the point of mental and physical exhaustion is now commonplace. Think Joel Osteen, Arise, Hillsong, Saddle Mountain, Fundamentalist Mormons, Catholics, etc.
"The Church" is quick to rally around its leaders, but it does NOT apologize to the victims. Instead of going before those they have wronged and asking for forgiveness before seeking forgiveness from God, they are very quick to turn on the public display and rally around those in leadership positions who have clearly abused their positions of power. I have yet to hear a leader of any church stand before its congregation and condemn these actions and offer to undergo an audit to ensure the same thing does not happen in their own church.
Many of you, I am sure, will say that "not in my church." Are you sure? If your church is not willing to be honest and open about what goes on behind the curtain, you cannot. Church leadership should be willing to stand before its congregation and answer any question or concern. If you have an inkling that something is not right, it isn't.
I no longer believe that the goal of most organized religions, or "The Church," is to make us better disciples of Christ, to help us "love one another like Jesus loved us," and help us better serve our communities.
The really sad part of all of this is that a bigger building holding more people that think exactly alike, flashier video productions and louder music, a pastor/minister retelling the stories of the Bible that just confirm that you're on the right side and feeling good because we sat in the right section of pews with the right people isn't "The Church." We should be safe in our churches, but not comfortable.
We are not called to be comfortable; we are called to work with the messiness of this world and step with faith into the unknown.
WE are The Church and WE need to do better. We need to apologize to those who have been hurt by the church. We need to demand better from church leadership - whatever your denomination. We need transparency and accountability. We need to serve and love all member of our communities, not just the ones that sit next to you on Sunday morning.
We need to unpack what the church has become and make it what it was always meant to be. We were given one command above all others - TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER!
Let's quit f-ing that up as a good place to start.
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